Curve Ball

Poo.  Poo.  Poo.  Poo.  Poo.
Don't get me wrong.  It's not too bad.  I was just liking living life in denial.
So, Livie Lou had her sedated echo today.  It was filled with a little drama.  For one, Liv had to get an IV and that in and of itself is never a fun process.  It did only take one poke though.  Yay!  The drama part came later when the pump they were using for her special sedation meds kept not working.  For heart mama's wondering, it was whatever stuff starts with "p" but I can't remember and I'm too lazy to get up and look at my little paper.  So after 30-45 minutes of trying to get it work we finally managed to hold Livie's foot just so, so the iv wouldn't kink.  Drama.  The poor NP in charge was stressing out.  Didn't helped that they were totally slammed.  Liv of course didn't want to go to sleep and for a while fought it.  That part was pretty funny.  She was WAY high and kept looking around with her glassy eyes and every once in a while would catch sight of her hand and then just make her hand go all floopsy as she watched is.  Good times.
So the poopy part.  Olivia's sats went down about a week ago.  We had gone on vacation and I thought it was a change in elevation.  We had been about 1000 higher than at home.  But we got home and there was no change.  I tried her diuretic thinking she was retaining fluid.  That worked for all of one day and then she was back to lower sats.  I should clarify.  Her sats weren't bad.  They were sitting 75-80% which is in her safe range.  But she had been satting 85-93% so quite a drop.  I talked to Liv's cardiologist about it before the echo and she said we'd watch and maybe to a cath if there was no improvement.  After the echo, we got out one way ticket to the cath lab.  Olivia's heart looks good.  The glenn is functioning perfectly.  Her squeeze is a little dys...something or other, which it always has been.  Not something they're worried about.  The problem is in the veins leading through/to the lungs.  They look to be a little narrowed though through and echo it's hard to tell exactly what's going on, especially where they're just veins and not arteries.  So, cath lab it is.  Within a month.  And a cath is considered surgery.  Some say minor but the cath Dr. will say when it comes to the heart, nothing is minor.  Chances are a stent will be placed and possibly collaterals coiled.  Collaterals are unneeded vessels that grow and can take blood flow away from where it needs to go.  Then, hopefully, sats will be back to the happy place.  Until then, if they continue to drop, we'll be back on oxygen.  I'm really kicking myself for getting rid of it now.
Of course, Liv doesn't seem to care about this new drama.  I'm sure she will when she's going without food on some other day and having to lay still for 6 hours afterward.
I have mixed feelings.  I knew something was wrong and had of course been preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.  I didn't get either.  I'm relieved about the former, sad about the latter.  Also frustrated because I was really enjoying a normal life.  Walking into the hospital today was more difficult than I expected.  I had gotten so used to the place last year.  But this time, it had been five months since I'd been there.  Knowing I have to go back and smell those smells, feel that anxiety and worry, and having to do it this month no less, is daunting.  The 24th of July last year Olivia received a transfusion the day after having her first cath.  That history could end up repeating itself this July 24th.  The thought of watching fireworks from the hospital again makes me wanna lay down on the floor and throw a three year old sized tantrum.  And then I think about how much worse it could be and I pull myself together.  I'll tell you what, having all these silly emotions go through you a mile a minute is confusing and exhausting.  If you wanna know exactly how I am doing, with all the mixed emotions and everything, I am fine.  Compared to last August-September, I am just dandy.  Frustrated, yes.  Worried, yes.  But I've worried more, made it through worse and lived to tell the tale.  As has happened in every one of Olivia's little/big heart hiccup's I have had that amazing sense of comfort and peace.  The negative emotions are still there, but they are bearable.  And it's all thanks to your prayers.  Prayers are answered.  Not always in the way I want but life would be boring if they were.  So, thank you for the prayers and keep them coming.
Scheduling will call next week to set it up and as always, I'll keep you posted.