January 20th

Conveniently, time got away from me. Life taking care of two kiddos can be a bit crazy. Especially when one of them has feeding therapy, weigh ins, and all sorts of crazy stuff to manage. Then there's the other one who is a little fireball and keeps me on my toes in her own way.
Though the time got away from me I still knew it was the end of January. I'm one of those people who kinda fixates on significant dates. I don't necessarily go into a deep depression on the negative ones but I do like to look back and see how far I've come.
For those newcomers to the blog or, if you just don't remember, January 20th was the worst day of my life thus far.
There's no good way to describe just how it feels to be told there's something wrong with your baby. Andrew felt sick, I was in shock. At least those were our initial reactions. If you want the fresh and emotional entry from that day, it's in the archives. It's a wee bit depressing and my intention is not to rehash all those emotions. Everything was unknown, depressing, scary. You get the point.
Even though I completely missed the 20th I've had a lot of thoughts recently about the past year. Last year went by so fast I didn't really realize that my entire 2012 was filled with all the heart related stress. When a lot of people talk to me I'll say something about how last year was horrible. Shame on me. I'll try to stop. The year started crazy and never did settle down. I was stressed the entire time, scared most of the time and depressed some of the time. But to say it was a horrible year is incredibly ungrateful.
Last year, on new years shortly after midnight Andrew felt Olivia kick for the first time. We didn't know that it was an Olivia kicking and not a Marshall or that baby only had half a heart. I blogged after that, saying how I was planning on our year being filled with amazing moments like that. And then I prayed for more amazing miracle moments just like that when I went to bed that night.
I admit, most of the year I felt jilted. All those amazing moments were being overshadowed by all those negative feelings I was having. I don't believe I was in the wrong by any means for having those negative feelings. Show me someone who can have a year like we had and never get discouraged and then I might feel guilty for being down so often. since then I've come to a realization. Be careful what you pray for. Only joking, but sorta not. I prayed for a year full of miracles. When I had prayed for that I was thinking more along the lines of NORMAL happy family moments and special memories. What I was given instead was an opportunity to witness miracles everyday. Some of those being the little everyday miracles but also amazing miracles that not everyone gets to witness. The normal special moments are more special because of last year. Each day with Olivia is a miracle and a blessing. I hope to never have a year like last year again but I'm incredibly grateful for it. I'm grateful that prayers are answered in way that is best for us rather then what we want or have planned. January 20th was a horrible day but An answer to my prayers so here's to a year ago...or a little over a year ago since I'm not very on the ball.