Soft Heart

Olivia is my sweetheart. Ella's spunky, and Abby has yet to declare herself, but Liv has definitely stolen the role of tender hearted sweetie. And lately it's both a blessing and a curse. Let's start with the curse first. EVERYTHING sets her off. Ella isn't 100% kind and Liv is breaking down. I tell Liv she has to do her chores. Here come the waterworks. Andrew can't snuggle her because he's working in the yard. She's hiding in her closet while she has a breakdown. Oi! It's a bit exhausting. But, on the upside, this girl is very in touch with other's emotions. She is always the first to spread the love where it's needed. She has a way of becoming everyone's favorite because of it. But, lately a whole new level of this has cropped up. Here's the story. Most nights (if bedtime routine happens in a timely manner) we turn on youtube and sing along with some of our favorite hymns and primary songs. A while ago as we listened to Gethsemane, a song we've listened to a million times, Liv started crying. I assumed Ella had pulled her hair or some such drama, but when I asked her what was wrong she said, "I'm sad because Jesus died for me." This continued through several more songs and we then discussed the Holy Ghost. She has done this multiple times since and is doing better with understanding what she's feeling. It's incredibly sweet and has also helped Ella too. Ella has a tendency to hide when she's feeling anything strongly, but since then she's been more willing to discuss the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Which is awesome!
Olivia is still making us giggle with her misunderstandings as well. A recent song she has been singing goes something like this, "Baa, baa black sheep. Mary had a lamb." It's adorable. And when she plays piano, she makes sure to push the "loud puddle" so it sounds extra good.
Liv had a pretty big May too. She enjoyed the last month of school, preschool graduation, her last dance performance, and her fifth birthday! I only do friend birthdays on big years (5, 8, 12 etc.) So she got a friend party (princess themed) and then a small family party that was extra special. Grandparents joined us, Liv's wish-granters, and a special guest, Snow White. Snow White sang "When you Wish Upon A Star" and gave Liv a special present. A scroll, officially granting her her wish to Disneyworld. We should be going sometime in October, but are still waiting to hear exact dates. It was an incredible experience. Olivia's face was priceless. It was one of those sacred experiences that I'll never forget.
As for Livie's health, I'm not quite sure where we are on that. We're not telling a lot of people but seeing as there's only a few people who actually read this (unless I share on FB) I'm gunna do some writing therapy. Over the last several month's I've noticed a decrease in energy for Liv. At first I thought/hoped it was a growth spurt. But growth spurts don't usually last 3+ months so I went ahead and emailed Liv's cardiologist. She took forever getting back to me and said she'd check Liv's pacer info and get back to me. Which she has yet to do. I'm gunna have to call. But, Liv's sats have been fine, her appetite has never been great so nothing has worried me there. She has had some puffiness on occasion, but she's always had puffiness from time to time so there hasn't been anything there to alarm me. But, I've had some anxiety lately. I wasn't sure if it was PTSD seeing as five years ago this little girl came into our lives and things got crazy real fast. Since sometimes the anxiety is something more, at Olivia's well-child this morning I discussed my concerns with her pediatrician. There is always the possibility she just needs Pacey turned up, but after examining her the doctor did say her liver is enlarged. Now, her liver is just bigger in general due to her Fontan. But after checking her history he did say it has increased in size about a centimeter. Also, her spleen is enlarged and slightly firm. He was visibly worried, though was trying not to worry me. I explained that I'm always worried about Liv and am totally fine being proactive about any concerns he may have. So, Olivia had labs drawn after her appointment and we'll be taking her in tomorrow for an ultrasound of her abdomen. It could all just be side-affects of her Fontan and she could be totally fine. Or it could be heart failure. So, I'm doing what I always do. I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. That tactic has served me well in the past.
It really could be nothing. It could be something small (seeing as she's done this type of thing before and it was a simple fix in a cath lab.) It could be something big and bad. I really never know with this girl. All I do know is that when I've been nervous in the past, it has turned out to be something 100% of the time. I'd love to change those stats, but this girl only has half of a heart. The reality is, things are never going to be easy with her. So we wait. We treat life like the gift it is and spend our day enjoying the sun, playing, and loving each other. Whether it's something or nothing, it is a reminder to take advantage of the time we have.
As for the rest of her well-child, her height spiked in the last year and her weight stayed the same. Her dr. was worried about that seeing as she was a little chunk. She's just slimming out more. Doing the usual kid growing stuff. She's 40 inches, meaning she can go on some of the bigger rides in Disneyworld. She's ecstatic.