Why is the Mama Bear Roaring?

A Story:
Upon waking this morning, you noticed your child, who has a heart defect, felt warm. The panic was immediate as you thought of what this fever could mean. You situate your fevering child in your room and your newborn in the living room. This fever endangers them both and you spend the day terrified of the outcome. You know what illness can do to newborns. You know what illness does to heart kids. Luckily, you also know what to watch for. So you do. You spend the day checking your heart kiddos sats, watching as the numbers gradually change from high 90's to mid. With each decreasing digit you pray that that will be the low point. Evening comes, then bedtime. You get the kids down for the night and prepare yourself. You know it's going to be a long night of feedings and taking care of your heart kid, so you go to bed early. Sure enough, your heart kiddo wakes up crying about an hour later. You go in, get her situated again, but only after promising you'll sleep next to her on the floor. You don't mind though, because her sats are now in the low 90s. It's now to the point that you're going to have to watch her even closer. You pray you can at least make it through the night before the inevitable. You wake to feed the baby and check your heart kids sats. 88. Your stomach drops. But, it's a crappy pulse ox, too big for her finger, and not always accurate. You try another finger. 87. Oh wait, 88. You watch for a big to see if it will go up more. Nope. You adjust your sleeping heart child's position. Maybe she's just at a weird angle and the numbers will go up once she's more comfortable. Nope. Oh wait! She has fingernail polish on. You remove the polish from the finger that normally gets the best read. The number doesn't change. She is still hovering around 88 and you're out of options. You start packing a bag with shaking hands. The fear over what the next few days will hold is terrifying. It should be paralyzing, but you've learned to live with this kind of fear. After all, you have been through this before. You warm up the car, wake the hubby, you pray that this time is like the last. That she comes through it. Because you have been warned that her heart can't fight illnesses like a healthy heart. You are finally ready, and it's time to go to the emergency room. You wait until the very last minute to wake up your heart child because you know how she'll react to the situation. When you finally wake her, you tell her you have to go to the hospital. You tell her she'll need oxygen, because you know springing that bit on her at the hospital will be worse if she's not prepared. And when she starts crying because she doesn't want to go and she starts sobbing because she hates oxygen, you can't hold back your own tears. You hug your heart kiddo and tell her you won't leave her for a second. You assure her that she can do this because she is your hero. You remind her that crying doesn't mean she isn't strong.
You spend the night in the ER. X-rays are done which aren't so bad. Your heart kid is a pro at those. But then the oxygen...You hold your heart kid while they place oxygen on her. As you expected, her fever has turned into pneumonia. The tears stream down her temples as she lays there. Her hair is matted and wet and you wonder how much of the wet is her tears, how much is your tears, and how much is sweat. Now that you have handed her care over to someone more capable, your emotions don't have the work to hold them back. You hold your heart kid and the panic screams inside of you. You try to make it through singing her favorite lullabies, but you can't. Your voice cracks and shakes and the singing just makes the tears come faster. So you hum the tune until she settles a bit. She tries to rip off the oxygen a couple of times more before finally succumbing to the exhaustion caused by fever and tears and you try to rest a little too.
This is where my narrative ends. The story could take several different turns. Your heart kid could come home on oxygen if the hospital staff think you can handle it. If she's bad enough, she may be admitted until she improves (or, heaven forbid, she doesn't.) There may be labs, IV's, more tears from kiddo and mom.
The whole point of this story is to give you a glimpse into our life. It doesn't always end up in the ER, but it has and so every time Liv ends up with a sniffle, those feeling of panic crop up. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Because I have been told I will outlive Olivia. Do you understand what that is like? Unless you have a medically fragile child, you can't understand. I have seen a heart child go from healthy to gone in a matter of days. Sometimes there is warning that a heart kid isn't healthy. Sometimes they just all the sudden aren't. The doctors can't predict how your journey will go. They can give you all the statistic in the world, but ultimately each journey is different. And I live with that every day.
So, when I ask that you not enter my home without a flu shot, I'm not being overdramatic. When I ask that you let us know if your kids are sick before spending time with us, I'm not be overdramatic. When I ask that you be considerate of my wishes, I am NOT being overdramatic. Olivia's repairs are done, but Olivia is not "fixed." Olivia's illnesses will always be scary. Whether her colds turn into something worse or not, they are scary for us. If she gets sick we spend the week+ that she is, on edge. Even if it never gets worse, we know it can, because it has before.
While you sit there thinking of the inconvenience of going to get your flu shot, and being frustrated with us because we won't let you in our home without it, remember that this is my child's life. Currently, while Abby is teeny tiny, these are my children's lives. Be mad at us if you want, but if you have children of your own, try to imagine the things you would do to protect them. And if you still think we are overreacting, I guess there's nothing more I can do. But this mama bear will keep roaring to keep her babies safe.
This is why I roar.

*On an important side note, our pediatrician completely agrees with our policies. So consider this our doctors note for why you can't come to our house if you haven't had your flu shot.

*Also, thank you so much to those who have gotten theirs when you normally don't. It means so much to us that we have your support.