The Cath

I'm blogging this on my phone so please forgive the typos and odd autocorrects that I may miss. I just wanted to get my thoughts down as quickly as possible.
First, I have to express how amazing my little hero is. Olivia went into this cath with a smile on her face. Even when having an IV placed she was calm and brave. Even when I handed her over to the cath team she smiled and gave us sweet kisses goodbye. She never faltered. She truly was the most amazingly brave little thing I have seen or could imagine. Other than being a little upset when we took the tape off and IV out she proves that she is so much stronger than anyone I have ever met.
Second, Livie is my rock. Two days ago when saying her prayers she said, "bless mommy be strong" Now I know she knew something I didn't. Today there was a hitch in our plans. Her heart looks fantastic. But. There's always a but. No, a pacemaker is not the end of the world. Yes, it could help her tremendously if that's what she needs. So here's why I'm not thrilled. I'm scared. A pacemaker. A mechanism that does what Livie's heart cannot do on it's own. Meaning that her heart needs help. Meaning that her heart is not as healthy as I want. Meaning more surgeries to replace batteries. Meaning just one more aspect of this journey to worry about. This isn't something I had even thought would be in Livie's future. So I'm upset.
I have lots more research to do and of course we don't even know for sure if this is what she'll need. Until we get things figured out one way or the other and until I have a chance to cope with this news that completely blindsided me I will be upset. I know it's far from the worst thing in the world but its just one more reminder that Olivia's heart is special and may be too special to stay with us as long as I would like (ya know, until she's 150) But with or without a pacemaker, my Olivia will show her mommy just what it means to be brave. She will show me what I need to be.