Giving Up on Giving Up

Surprisingly, I've had quite a few people ask me how the getting rid of milk situation was going.  I never knew so many people were that interested in my chest!...Just teasin'

But, to get the word out there, I gave up giving up.  One night as I was pumping just enough to keep from getting engorged I had a panic attack and just couldn't deal with the idea of getting rid of my milk.  Once gone, it was not coming back.  And what if she outgrew the dairy allergy sooner than predicted...and what if...what if...what if.  So I ended up pumping til I was empty and have been doing that ever since.  The loose plan now, not that you'll care, is to continue pumping until the thought of not no longer makes me sick to my stomach.  I am not giving up dairy.  That would be insanely difficult.  I have decreased my supply to 16-18 oz a day rather than the 24+oz and will store as well as donate some.  I want some from every month of her life stored up so that she will eventually get the benefits from each month.  I will also retry my milk after the glenn.  Currently, there is a very good chance she has poor perfusion to the gut which may be improved after the glenn, enabling her to once again digest my milk.  If she doesn't handle it well and ends up with blood in her stool we won't be as scared because NEC after the glenn is pretty rare.  I will then readdress giving up on pumping but will most likely pump through the winter even if she doesn't get my milk til she's older.  I figure I owe it to her, myself, and all the other heart mama's who struggle with their milk supply to keep going.  I was blessed with a very resilient pair of milk producers so I might as well use them until it gets weird.