I don't remember what it feels like to go slow. To take a break and to relax. I don't remember what it feels like to be bored. I have filled my plate a little too full this fall (though I wouldn't lighten the load for anything.) I have had to put some things on the back-burner like my novel (it'll be a best-seller someday, just you wait) and cleaning house. I've been planning/getting ready for parties. I've been bottling applesauce, tomato sauce, and tomatoes. I've been trying to swap the summer clothes in the girls drawers for more seasonally appropriate ones. No, Ella, a tank top is not okay to wear when it's 60 degrees out. I've been going through hand-me-downs trying to find pants that fit Ella who is shooting through them much quicker than I like. This may not sound like much but between all this and Livie not sleeping through the night (night terrors maybe?) I am burning out. I woke up this morning with burst capillaries in my eye. Not sure how I managed that but they're there. Just in time for my halloween costume I guess. What costume goes with one red eye?
Anyway, this is not a post to search for sympathy at my busy schedule or have anyone tell me to slow down or to vent even. Yes, I'm burning out but I am happy. I'm healthy enough to be able to burn myself out. And it's not affecting my parenting skills in a negative way (I think) so I'm good. My whole point in telling you all this is the busy is good.
From the beginning of the month to now, the 14th, I've been running, running, running. And I ran right past the 11th. Who knows why October 11th is significant? On 10/11/12 Olivia underwent the Glenn procedure, her second open heart surgery. To say I was scared for it is an understatement. But to say I wasn't excited would be a lie. We had just spent four long months hopping between hospital and home and the Glenn was our shot to finally become a normal family. I feel like 10/11/12 was the first day of our lives as a family. It was the day we escaped from the hell we had been living for four long months. Don't get me wrong, those four months were miraculous and if given a choice I would still choose the journey we've had. But they were hard. Really hard. So hard that I spent another five months recovering from them emotionally. And I still have that pesky seasonal anxiety. It's just that October 11th, 2012 was the start of something amazing for us. Olivia finally started to really live. She rolled over for the first time two weeks after that and hasn't stopped since.
The Glenn didn't just save Olivia's life but mine as well.
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